Sun Love Sauce

I've got a taste for hot sauces. This one has a plenitude of hot, that's fancy-pants talk for "lots of hot". However, it's not like most ordinary hot sauces. It's only mildly salty (most hot sauces should be called "salt-and-hot sauce" anyway). To top it off, it's very sweet from the peppers. So, you get a sweet, sweet burn that builds up in your mouth instad of the sharp, salty assault that most ordinary sauces provide. It will be a lot thinner than commercial sauces, since it doesn't have anything like xantham gum or other thickeners blended in. However, if you want something as hot as the sun and as sweet as all love, you'll want this.

Ingredients
Scotch Bonnet Peppers	14-15, various colors
Bell Pepper	1
Garlic	1 head
Culantro	20 leaves
Ginger Root	1 Tablespoon, grated
Thyme Leaves	3 sprigs' worth
White Vinegar	1 cup
Salt	1 Tablespoon
Dry Mustard	2 Tablespoons
Lime Juice	from 2 limes
White Vinegar	as needed (after aging)

Hardware
Blender or Food Processor
Chef's knife
Measuring cup, liquid
Measuring spoons
Grater
Bowls
Funnel
Jars
Strainer
Bottles

Bringing it Together

First things first, "culantro" is not a misprint for "cilantro". They're very different. You can often find culantro at a well-stocked Asian or Hispanic market. It's also called 香菜 (xiāngcài) or ngò gai. Remember, that's "culantro", not "cilantro". Culantro is tough and fibrous, and scotch bonnets can be dry and not very tender. I've seen similar recipies that have you toss everything into a blender and grind away. That's a great path to frustration and a burnt out blender or food processor. So, what you want to do is peel all that garlic, get rid of the thyme stems (keep the leaves), take the garlic, the hot and bell peppers, the culantro, and the thyme leaves, and give them a good chop on your cutting board.

Mix the chopped stuff and the grated ginger with the vinegar. Then blend/process gradually and in batches until smooth. Don't just stuff it all in and blaze away. You may want to re-blend/re-process until you achieve smoothness. This is not a race. You don't get better sauce for doing it faster.

After everything is nice and smooth (and in a bowl), mix in the dry mustard and lime juice. Transfer to jars and put in the refrigerator.

The Long Nothing

This is the most challenging part of the recipel. Do nothing for at least a month. Two would probably be better. That's right, nothing. Do nothing. Just let it sit, in the refrigerator, for a long time. It will change color and texture. Those are good things to happen.

And now, Sauce

After months of nothing, get the proto-sauce out of the refrigerator and pass/push it through a mesh sieve-preferably a strong one that you won't accidentally poke a hole through or rip (don't ask). The idea is to extract the liquid, which holds the flavor and leave behind the solids (but you already knew that). Dilute 1:1 (equal parts) with white vinegar. Bottle and store in the refrigerator. It's more than half vinegar, so it will keep for a very long time. If your bottles have shaker tops, it will make it even easier to use.

Turkey Gravy

Two years ago, in a fit of amnesia, my beloved wife bought multiple jars of that horrid drek marketed by Heinz as "turkey gravy". The origin of that pale, pasty, floury horror is unknown to any sensible human, for such knowledge would drive one mad. I forgave her and was a bit amused. She gets so wound up in Thanksgiving preparations that she can forget an odd or end. Fortunately, as for every other year, I made the gravy from scratch. It's a combinationo of rugged and elegant and always is popular.

Ingredients
Turkey giblets*	from the bird
Turkey necks*	1-2
Yellow bell pepper	1
Onion	1 large onion
Celery	4 stalks
Garlic	3-5 cloves, crushed, not with a garlic press
Butter	2 Tablespoons
Herbs	1-3 tablespoons (your preference)
Wine***	1 cup
Salt	to taste
Pepper	to taste
Garlic	3-5 cloves, crushed, not with a garlic press
Flour	As needed (see below)
*If you are unlucky, your bird might not have giblets. In that case, about 1/4 pound of chicken livers will work.
**No, turkeys don't come with two necks. You may need to buy some more. Freeze the extra
***I prever a robust, dry red, such as the Cabernet Franc from Hopwood Cellars

Hardware
Saucepan that is big enough
Good knife
Measuring cup, liquid
Measuring spoons
Gravy Boat

Roasting the Pepper

Pepper skin and seeds are indigestible and no fun to eat (unless you're a cockatoo). My favorite way to get rid of them is to roast and peel. Preheat the oven to 400°F. Put a piece of parchment paper on a cookie sheet and the pepper on top of that. Roast/bake the pepper on its side for 20 minutes. Turn pepper over. Roast another 20 minutes. Take out of oven and put a glass bowl over the pepper. Let it sit 15 minutes. Take pepper to sink, it will be full of liquid. Slit it vertically and unroll it while pulling out the stem. The remaining seeds should be easy to remove. Turn pepper over and peel off skin. Dice pepper and set aside.

The Long Simmer

Coarsely chop onion and celery. Melt butter in saucepan. Add onions, celery, garlic, and herbs. Sautee lightly (2-3 minutes). Add pepper, turkey parts, and wine. Stir while bringing to boil. Add water to cover. Simmer 3-4 hours.

And now, Gravy

Take off heat, take out turkey parts and set aside to cool. Strain broth to remove pepper, onion, and celery chunks (or blend it smooth—your choice). Measure total broth amouint. Set aside some of the broth to cool. Bring remaining broth to a simmer. Taste it! Adjust taste with salt and pepper. Whisk 2 tablespoons flour into cooled portion of broth. Whisk slurry into broth and stir. Add chopped turkey parts to gravy, stir and simmer briefly. Transfer to gravy boat for pouring.

Baked Chicken in Brown Rice, with Vegetables

This is a baked chicken with rice recipe. It has vegetables. That's it, sorry. No elaborate stories about my childhood or amusing anecdotes. If you want this to be like most online recipes, just keep reading this paragraph over and over for the next 15 minutes before getting to the recipe.

Ingredients
Chicken	1 5-6 lb bird
Green Peppers	2 large peppers
Yellow Onion	1 large onion
Carrots	1 lb
Brown Rice	2 cups, uncooked
Vegetable Broth	3 cups
Mojo Criollo	as needed
Salt	half tablespoon plus as needed
Black Pepper	half teaspoon plus as needed

Hardware
Dutch Oven with Lid

Chicken Preparation

Cut up chicken into pieces (2 legs, 2 thighs, 2 wings—tips cut off). Cut breasts off the bone and into 2-3 parts, each. Reserve back and wing tips. Put chicken parts (except back, wing tips, and breastbone with ribs) into bowl with enough mojo to barely cover. Mix chicken parts in mojo with hands. Mix the chicken pieces every 15-20 minutes throughout the following steps until stock is finished (see "Stock Preparation"). At that point, take the chicken out of the mojo and let it sit on a rack over a cooking sheet to drip.

Stock Preparation

Put chicken back, breast/ribs, and wing tips in saucepan with enough water to cover and season with some salt and pepper. Bring to boil, skim, and turn down heat to medium. Simmer one hour, covered. After an hour, strain bones from stock and pick off meat. Set meat aside. Boil stock down to 2 cups volume. Add three cups of vegetable broth. Bring back to boil and turn down to low simmer, covered.

Vegetable Preparation

While making and reducing the stock, chop onion and carrots into roughly half-inch chunks. Roast and peel peppers and cut into short strips.

Bring it Together

Heat Dutch oven and splash in a bit of olive oil. Brown chicken pieces in oil, starting skin side down (if any skin on the piece). Do not crowd the chicken. Do it in shifts if you have to. Once chicken is browned, add a bit more olive oil to the pan and cook the onions and carrots together, with a bit of salt and pepper, until the onions are translucent. Then pour in hot stock/broth mixture, the peppers, the meat picked from the bones, and the rice. Add a bit more black pepper. Stir. Layer chicken onto mixture, putting the nicest looking pieces on top. Skinless pieces shouldn't go on top. Cover Dutch oven. Bake at 350 degrees 1 hour, 15 minutes covered. Remove cover and continue to bake until liquid is absorbed into the rice. Remove from heat and cover. Let rest 10 minutes before serving.

Eggnog Immediate!

Christmas time is here, no eggnog is near.
Ev'ry jolly little lush is gripped with mortal fear.

I like eggnog. By "eggnog", I don't mean that overly-sweet, extract-flavored stuff you get in grocery stores. It might be okay for the kids, but it's not the real thing. The real thing is, of course, a rich tipple of eggs, dairy, and liquors. The best eggnogs are made in huge batches, using at least a dozen eggs, but if you're the only one in your family who likes eggnog, that can be a waste.

Ingredients
Batter
Egg	1
Heavy Cream	1.5 ounces
Confectioner's Sugar	1 1/2 Tablespoon
Cinnamon	1/4 teaspoon
Liquor
Rum	1 ounce
Brandy or Whiskey	1 ounce
Other
Ice, not crushed	as needed
Nutmeg	for garnish

Before we go any further, to make this, you must have a shaker. It doesn't have to be a "real" cocktail shaker. I use a huge coffee mug that can be sealed at the top so it doesn't spill. There are a lot of single-serve recipes for eggnog, and I've tried several, but they all have fallen short of the glory that is the gigantic bowl of 'nog. I think I know why. The single-serve recipes are for bartenders, who have to make a drink quickly. They follow a different order of operations and use ingredients that are easier to measure out quickly. While flavor might be (almost) preserved, texture takes a big loss that is only partially made up for by using a bar shaker. You can froth a thin liquid all you like and it will never really be heavy cream. This recipe has extra steps and extra time, but the results are worth it.

Put all the batter ingredients into the shaker, in order. Don't worry if the cream sticks to your shot glass, you can rinse the residue into the shaker with the liquors. Shake hard for about 30 seconds. Add the liquors. Shake hard for another 30 seconds. Add ice and shake another 30 seconds. Strain into glass, garnish with nutmeg.

This will be every bit as thick and rich as a top-notch punchbowl eggnog. Enjoy. Be warned: It will be much stronger than you think it is, so take your time.

Omni-Rub!

I have been smoking (meats) for several years. Each time, my dry rub has been okay, but not quite exactly what I was looking for. This time, I think I hit on it. This was equally crowd-pleasing on ribs and on brisket. If you use it on shoulder or anything else much thicker than brisket, you may wish to first rub the meat with some extra salt and let it sit an additional overnight before using this rub. This is based on a cup of brown sugar. Scaling up will be easy so long as you keep the ratios.

Ingredients
Brown Sugar	1 cup, packed
Paprika (sweet)	1/3 cup
Garlic Powder	1/4 cup
Black Pepper (ground, not coarse)	2 Tablespoons
Ginger (ground)	2 Tablespoons
Allspice (ground)	2 Tablespoons
Cayenne (ground)	1 Tablespoon
Salt	1 Tablespoon

Combine all ingredients and mix very well. Rub or pat generously on meats to be smoked. Do this at least 12 hours before starting to smoke. Extra can be stored in glass jars with tight lids. Plastic is okay, but plastic doesn't keep air out as well, and any reusable plastic containers used may be permanently "flavored" by the spices.

Satan's Snack Squares

I was feeling like baking something. That means "brownies" to me. This is an attempt to have simple brownies, which means "nothing needs melting" that are scandalously rich.

Ingredients and Hardware

"Wet" Ingredients
Brown Sugar	½ cup
White Sugar	½ cup
Vegetable Oil*	½ cup
Rye Whiskey†	1 tablespoon
Eggs	2
Dry Ingredients
Flour	½ cup
Cocoa Powder	⅓ cup
Baking Powder	¼ teaspoon
Salt	¼ teaspoon
Hardware
Baking pan	9x9 square or 11x7 rectangular
Shortening	For greasing pan
Mixing bowls	2
Measuring implements	As needed
Spoon	1
Whisk	1
Oven	of course
*Can be corn, soybean, canola, etc.
†Or bourbon, or substitute 1 teaspoon vanilla extract.

Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease pan. Mix sugars and oil in one bowl. Beat in eggs and whiskey. In other bowl, whisk dry ingredients together. Gradually mix dry into wet (by hand). Transfer to baking pan. Bake 20-25 minutes. Shorter baking times make more chewy brownies. Longer times make dryer brownies. Allow to cool in a pan for about 5-10 minutes before cutting. You will probably have to remove brownies with a spatula or flipper after cutting. They will not be stiff, especially if they are still warm.

Pumpkin Pie

The pie in question

This is a fairly old-fashioned pumpkin pie. I don't start with a can of anything. I don't use a pre-mixed "pumpkin pie spice". I don't pull a crust out of a box or remove shrink wrap. This recipe starts from the basics and builds the pie completely from scratch. I've had plenty of pumpkin pies that are made with "pumpkin pie spice", canned pumpkin, and a store-bought crust. They aren't bad pies, but you can get pies every bit as good or possibly even better these days by just picking one up already made at the grocery store. So save yourself the work and go all-out pre-made if that's your thing. However, if you like it old school, this recipe may work for you. Warning, this is not the mechanically-smooth, industrially-light pie that you will get from canned pumpkin. It's got a good deal more body and a coarser texture. If you insist that your pumpkin pie have the sort of texture that is appropriate for a 1950s "Christmas of the Future" brochure, it may not be your cup of tea. If you like hearty, old-fashioned fare made the old-fashioned way, give it a go. This is a multi-stage recipe. Don't let that bother you. Just be sure to read it through all the way before you get started.

Mashed Pumpkin

Mashed Pumpkin
Pumpkin (sugar/pie type)	1

Cut out pumpkin top, cut in half lengthwise, scrape out seeds (you can toast those later if you like pumpkin seeds). You can also break off the stem and cut in half, but that requires a pretty stout knife or cleaver to get through the stem remnant. Lightly rub outside with oil and put into lightly-oiled glass baking dish. Bake until skin just starts to brown. Remove from oven, allow to cook until skin starts to be loose. Peel off skin and mash (my preference), run through a blender, push through a sieve, or whatever gets it to the consistency you want.

Crust

Crust Ingredients
Butter	3 oz (weight)
Lard	1 oz (weight)
Flour	6 oz (weight)
Salt	½ teaspoon
Ice Water

Put one oven rack on the lowest level, with a cookie sheet. Put the other oven rack on the next highest level. Both racks should be below the middle of the oven. Just do it now, so you won't forget until everything's hot and it's too late.

Chill butter and lard in freezer 30 min. Cut into small pieces. Cut into flour with pastry blender until the mixture is a bit coarser than coarse cornmeal. Add water by tablespoon and mix by hand after each tablespoon until dough barely can come together and stay after being squeezed. Form into ball and put in ziploc. Squash into disk and refrigerate at least an hour. Once the dough is "relaxed" or "conditioned" or whatever the chilling does (it does make a difference), take the dough out and roll out until it will fit into a 9 to 9½ inch pie pan. Put crust into pan and put in the refrigerator for later.

Filling

Filling Ingredients
Brown Sugar	½ cup
Maple Sugar	¼ cup
Salt	½ teaspoon
Cinnamon	1 teaspoon
Ginger	1 teaspoon
Mace	½ teaspoon
Nutmeg	½ teaspoon
Allspice	½ teaspoon
Eggs	3
Egg white	1
Half & Half (equal parts milk and cream)	1¼ cups
Mashed Pumpkin	1 (between 2–2¼ cups
Egg Yolk + dash salt, whisked together	1
Pie Crust	1

Preheat oven to 400°F. Mix sugars, salt, and spices. You may need to crush lumps in the sugars. Whisk in eggs and egg white. Whisk in half&half. Whisk in pumpkin. Take crust in pan out of refrigerator, dock it (that means poke a whole bunch of little holes in it with a fork, all over the bottom and sides) and brush with egg yolk. Bake for 3 minutes. Take out of oven and pour in filling. Return to oven and bake until done (usually 40–45 minutes). You can consult this article for more information on how to see if your pie is done. Remove and allow to cool on rack. Do not cut until fully cooled. Do not try to fast-cool in the refrigerator. It will mess up the pie's texture.